Thursday, March 23, 2006

Another Step

Oh, and let me be the first to announce to those who care:

I GOT INTO GRADUATE SCHOOL!!!

yay.

Next year = Loyola University in my fav. city (Chicago) w/ my fav. person (Brian) stydying my fav. interest (gender studies)


current mood - relieved, now I dont have to keep checking the mail relentlessly.

Long Afternoon in March

Ahhh, the joy of stealing surveys. Thanks Miss. Spergel.

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life:

1. sandwich delivery person (I was such a tool)
2. fashion expert "in training" at Express
3. creative marketing intern at Symrise (awesome fragrance company in NYC)
4. server at the Olde Jaol. hey....when you need money, you NEED MONEY.

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over Again:

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2. Say Anything....ugh why is this movie so good?
3. My Father the Hero...don't ask
4. Sixteen Candles, "Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?"

Four Places You've Lived:
1. Atlanta, Georgia
2. Garfield Heights, OH
3. Ny, NY
4. Hudson, OH OWW OWW

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch:
1. PROJECT RUNWAY
2. Real World
3. Blow Out (dont knock it til you have watched at least 1 espisode)
4. Sex and the City
5. when I have lots of time on my hands, Americas Next Top Model

Four Places You've Been On Vacation:
1. Disney World (lots of times, but I def. want to go back)
2. St. Thomas
3. St. Croix
4. CANCUN (not for the trashy appeal, alhough it can be a plus)

Four Blogs You Visit Daily:
1. This Tale: Justine
2. Spergs
3. Miss Carden, although she never updates!

Four Of Your Favorite Foods:
1. cereal (esp. w/ lots of fruit and soymilk on top!)
2. chocolate (reeeeeally dark)
3. nut butter (all kinds, esp. raw almond mmmmm)
4. my mom's homemade tomato sauce...sooo authentic and sweeeeet

Four Places You'd Rather Be:
1. In bed, taking a nap
2. New York City
3. w/ Brian....doing something naughty ;)
4. out of school, living here in Chicago

Four Albums You Can't Live Without:
a. albums that are a part of your soul:
1. Barenaked Ladies (maroon)
2. Red Hot Chilli Peppers (Californication)
3. ANY Dashboard Confessional
4. Randi Driscoll (if you have never heard her, download now)

b. albums you've been listening to daily
2. Coldplay, A Rush Of Blood To The Head
3. my birthday CD from Noel for my 21st...lots of classic memories

current mood: bored out of my mind, cant wait for brian to get out of work!

Monday, February 13, 2006

The Day I Fell

Ok, so cliche here I come, but since it is technically Valentine's Day in less than 60 minutes, I thought I would take some time on this crappy Monday evening to recreate the night Brian and I met. (well...err...technically).

Free you mind and picture the following series of events:

Freshman year. Single? Finally. Satisifed? Actually, since I had been "making the rounds" as my lovely 7 friends liked to remind me, I suppose I wasnt doing too bad. It was spring, the weather was sunny and warm and Alison was trying to convince me to go to the Beta formal w/ Stu. "Crystal you have to go! Its going to be so awkard w/ Brian" (yes, Brian Hunt my current boyfriend). I was definately hesitant. While I did love Stu as a friend I was worried about spending the night alone w/ him (of course he got a single at the hotel).
Reluctantly, however, I decided to go. I remember driving down (alone) w/ Stu in his truck. Back roads, good conversation and the cd Megan made me was blaring in his stereo. Where was Alison I wondered....
Finally, 40 mintues later we arrive. The lobby was flooded w/ Betas I didnt know. I was that dreaded freshman girl. UGH kill me. Finally I see Alison in the distance walking down a long ugly colored hall w/ Brian keeping purposely far behind. We hug. We get dressed, and then the fun began.

Al had been telling me that her and Brian were not being very talkative w/ each other at dinner. I didnt even know Brian, but I told her to ignore him and to let him ignore her. She agreed. While I sat at a table w/ Stu and 8 other randoms munching on my second stale roll (I didnt dare touch the salsbury steak) I felt awkward. I looked around the room and oddly caught Brian looking at me. I smiled. He smiled. Of course I didnt think anything of it, so I continued being silent and awkward, letting the older people at my table do the talking.
Finally, dinner was over and we all sat around chatting while the sketch DJ set his equipment up. Suddenly, I look to my right, and Brian was sitting next to me. "You look bored, you're having fun arent you?" I knodded. The next thing I knew we both decided it was time to start drinking. For some inexplicable reason, the formal was lacking some serious excitement. So we both headed upstairs together. Again, I didnt think anything of it. I mean, it was Brian Hunt. Who? Exactly.
So we decide to have a drink in my room before heading down to the "dance." Brian turned on bball b/c Adrian Griffin was playing (his fav) and I sat there making fun of him as he watched intently.
Then, the dreaded confrontation. Adam VanWagner walks in. He drinks w/ us then stares at us. "You two are gonna hook up." What? No way man" Brian said. Wow did I feel out of place. Thanks, Adam, thank you so much.
Then, of course Adam leaves w/ that comment hanging over us like a bad, predetermined hangover. He turns to me, after keeping his eyes on the TV the whole time, and says "Do you think Alison will be mad?" "Why?" I was confused. "Because this is awkward." "It is?" Again confused. " "You dont think this is awkward?" And before I could answer, he leaned in, and (get ready to gag) gave me the most unexpected, yet amazing kiss in my entire life. Oddly we both started laughing after those incredibly long 30 seconds. "Dont say anything" he said. Lets just have fun.
Now I know what you're thinking. We hooked up, oww OWW. What kind of a hoe do you think I am? Contrary to your personal opinion, I happen to be a classy one thank you very much.
So yes, we began hooking up, but we both understood that he was leaving for France in 2 months and we would never be able to have a relationship.
HOWEVER...eh emmm.....7 days before graduation (we had been doing our thang for about 6 weeks at that point) he told me we had to "talk". Now everyone knows what that means....the whole bla bla bla this is too much for me shpeal, I need some space.
Again, I was wrong. He showed up at my door at 2 am and told me that he was in love w/ me. He didnt care about New Hampshire, France, or what his friends thought. It was honestly the best moment I can remember....We both had tears in the far corners of our eyes (sorry Bri) but it was in that moment that I knew. I knew nothing could be any better or sweeter than this. The boy I adored (he had no idea) was desperately trying to explain how much he cared about me. He fumbled, he chose the wrong words and paused at the wrong times, but I can tell you that I remember every word exactly. And it was and still is perfect.

Oddly, thanks to Stu Timken and Alison Bongiovanni (take a bow lovelies) I have found my therapist, my number one fan, my best friend , my lover, my everything.

Happy Valentine's Day.


current thought - Wishing I was in Chicago....

Friday, January 20, 2006

Happy Birthday

Well technically its 12:38 am on Friday so sadly, its not my birthday anymore.

However, I ended up having such a fabulous birthday, and completely unexpected might I add.

It started when I was startled awake this morning by a birthday message from my Aunt Vickey. Yes it was 7:00 am and yes she talked to me for 15 minutes about how she had felt so guilty for not sending my card on time. I couldnt understand half of what she said b/c I was concentrating too hard on keeping myself conscious while exceedingly hungover from Around the World.

Then of course came the other birthday calls, mostly all before 9:00 am. My Aunt Gloria, my brother and my mom twice. UGH. Luckily the rest were after 11:00 but still lets be honest. I turn 22 in a span of 24 hrs, do the calls all to have to come in the wee hours of the morning?
Even though it was annoying, I sneaky loved it. The calls made me feel all warm and special tee hee.

Well, after my painful 9:30 class, I crawled home to my bed and listened to the 2 funniest messages I have ever received: My mom and then Brian both singing awful renditions of happy birthday into my voicemail. UGH it def. made my day. Hamer then gave me the cutest stuffed rhino w/ peppermint patties (yum) and last night Court gave me some alcohol and peanut butter cups. Well to say I had a stomachache today from all the candy and mixed drinks would definately be an understatement.
So......I watched lifetime movies all afternoon, talked w/ Brian frequently, and also got a suprise from my momma: some lavender roses (my fav.) and b-day balloons! YAY. The only bad part was the fact that I had to walk with them blowing and sticking to my head all the way from Lowry. So not socially acceptable.
All of us went to dinner at CW's where the food sucked but the company could not have been better. I begged the girls not to sing while I hovered over my buellers cake with lime green icing. I then came home to the nicest email I have ever received from anyone. I dont think Brian could have said nicer things in this profoundly amazing email, it made me tear up.
I have to say this birthday could not have been any better.

current thought - UGH can Brian call me so I can go to bed?

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Same shit different day

Yep, you guessed it.

Just another boring day at Argotea cafe in downtown Chicago. While complaining is my specialty, I do admit: this place is my sneaky. Every morning here, I'm usually grumpy and pissed at Brian for not waking when his alarm sounds at fricking 7:30 am. I can hear a feather fall to the floor when Im sound asleep, so you can imagine what I feel when I hear him press the snooze 6 yes 6 TIMES. errrrr. BUT then I can come here, eat my yummy blueberry muffin, drink my green tea and work or eh.....well think about I.S.
Lately I've been feeling like such a prize house wife. Yesterday afternoon after I had lunch w/ Bri in the city (went to Chipotle UGH too much food) I decided to go back to the apartment in Wrigleyville and go grocery shopping at Whole Foods. Which you can probably guess, three dudes that just graduated from college and never cook most likely have no vegetarian options for me in their fridge. So I bought the standard fruits/vegetables and some vegan cookies/soymilk. On the drive home I slowly reazlied that I have to park my car on the skinniest street ever in existance. Now, to be blunt I CANNOT parallel park. But if you live in Chicago, you have to, and you HAVE TO be good at it. I realized as I drove up to Roscoe St. I suck at parking. Luckily I spent a good 6 mins parking my fabulous Honda while some scary dude in his bright silver SUV honked at me. Fuck off. His dick was probably the size of a threading needle anyway,
I then, I DONT KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME, cleaned their nasty kitchen. The things we do when we dont want to work on I.S. To be honest, I have been worrying about all the work I have to do when I return on Sunday. I'm totally screwed. But life is life.
All I have to keep reminding myself is 4 more months. 4 months of this bullshit and I will be done. I cannot wait to move here, I cannot wait for my mom to hopefully get better, I cannot wait to be happy!!! hipppppeee!


current thought - Will someone steal my computer if I go to the bathroom right quick?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Calm before the storm

Life.

Life is a funny thing. Just 4 months back I was so excited for so many small things. I was looking forward to my last semester at Wooster, hanging out w/ my friends and getting WASTED all the time, baking cookies at Christmas, seeing Brian a lot before I move to Chicago. I mean, thats what you're supposed to do as a senior right? LOOK TO THE FUTURE.

Well. I dont even know anymore. My mother is deathly ill and I feel I'm the only one left on the planet. I would give anything to graduate right now. To be done DONE for good and not have to go back to Wooster Oh ever again. I have to go back to my ugly depressing room in 4 days and I am hardly prepared. The only thing I can think about is my mom. She is in the hospital. I know I know my pessimism is rearing its ugly head, but right now I think its called for with the current events.

I cant even concentrate on IS. All I do all day (while Bri is a work) is sit in this tea cafe and stare at a blank screen. Its white with a small vertical line in the upper left hand corner flashing on and off. Thats all. Nothing more. Every day.

She is my best friend in the entire world. What will I do when she dies? Who will love me no matter what? Who will listen to my constant bullshit and complaining everyday and still love me? Who will look at me after I've eaten a billion christmas cookies and tell me its ok to have more? Who will think Im beautiful after a night of serious drinking (when I havent even taken off my dramatic eye makeup from the night before?) No one, b/c my mother is the only person that can. She just keeps getting sicker and sicker.


What am I going to do?

current mood - IS? whats that?

Monday, December 05, 2005

4 more

Of course I want to be done with work by now, but I need a break. I just spent the last 40 mintues in my room staring at my wall. Yes, staring. Not watching TV, or talking on the phone and staring, just staring...sigh.

I feel like I'm not in school right now. Granted this is the most stressful time of the year (I have work coming out of my ass) but I'm hardly ever here. When I am actually in Wooster I am either trapped in the library for 6 hrs. at a time, OR I'm working at the Olde Jaol not making any money.
I cannot WAIT to go home this saturday for GOOD. I get to work for this Christmas charity my mom and I run every year this coming weekend. I would go home friday, BUT I havent seen my friends in ages, so I should probably go out w/ them at least once before I leave. YAY I get to see Brian next wed. too. Maybe I'll bake him some Christmas cookies so he's not too homesick during the holiday season. UGH I miss him to death. I wish he was here everyday. I cringe every time I see some couple walking and giggling together. I resent them and envy them at the same time. It just isnt the same here w/ out Oats.

Well, I have to keep on truckin and get this work DONE. This is how I will think about it: 2 more reeeeeally stressful nights til I get to LEAVE, lay in my pj's all day, have lots of fun w/ my momma and family, eat an assortment of food my mom shoves in my face when Im home (cause apparently I "dont eat enough") and see the SEXIEST man there is. ever.

Friday, where are you?


current mood - IS IS IS...think it, dream it, DO IT.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Restless

Well, lets see.

I just walked into my room after having to visit Brian's grandparents (they had a piece of my mail and I also promised the granps I'd stop by). For some reason after I left their house thankfully located only a few miles from the college I proceeded to drive around for a good 20 mins. I have no idea why. I just sort of drifted off into my own little world and thought about break coming up, the work I had to do tonight and EVERYTHING else.

I don't know about anyone else, but lately I've been feeling very restless with my life here. Its not my friends, or my room (I love them both DEARLY). While this is going to sound really cliche, I feel like maybe I'm just growing out of everything I used to be so into around these parts. While I do still like getting wasted with the girls and chatting and living with all my besties, I want to leave this city so bad. I want to break free from this hell of I.S. and routine that consumes my every day.

Its terrible. I sound like such a cynic I know. Ok, now I know what most of you are thinking. I could just hear it now. eh em..."Crystal you feel like this because Brian isn't here." NOT TRUE. While a part of me does wish SO BAD that Brian was here w/ me, I want to leave for other reasons, one being that my Mom is deathly ill. Ugh I just wish I could be home w/ her everyday to make sure she was taken care of. Its a constant stressor. I never lead on about it too much around the girls b/c how do you talk about something like that? I can just picture it :

"Hey look at that guys pants, hes such a tool"
"haha yeah, Oh by the way my mom might have Thyroid cancer."

Silence.

ANYWAY, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable now just mentioning it. So I'll stop.

On a positive note, its Thanksgiving dinner in Lowry tonight, yay! Maybe that will aid my restlessness.

current mood - UGH Women's studies class.