Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Awkwardness. Is that even a word? Regardless, that "word" has been my life the past three days...or at least since I've arrived at Wooster.

Don't get me wrong. I love my friends, my new hall, and my new room (apart from the ugly blue walls that outline my closets). Its the whole concept of being a senior thats been making my skin crawl. Granted, your senior year of college is supposed to be a blast (endless nights where u lose your purse and keys in a drunken stupor, easy classes that you could care less about, your own space, freedom, endless possibilities right?) Well for me, due to my pessimism eh em its about I.S., looking like an idiot for losing my keys when wasted, I mean lets be honest I should DEF. know better by now, living alone snifflesss.....(sounding like a total stereotypical girl) I miss Brian and sleeping next to him every night. I deserve a pity party, THIS kind of transition is hard for a girl like me. Imagine sleeping in the same bed w/ someone every night for the past year and a half and all of a sudden sleeping alone in a sketch dorm where my only company is the bugs that I so desperately hate more than anything that somehow make their way through my screen.

Ok, now that thats out, I feel better :) At least my classes are exactly what I want (except for Mass Comm., I think Korba hates my life). AND I can always look forward to fall break, halloween (love dressing up), and my personal fav, the weekends!

current mood - oddly hungry

Friday, August 19, 2005

I dont know what to feel

Last day at work.

Times tears came to my eyes? 3 so far, which means I'm doing pretty good. Honestly every time Brian comes downstairs to give me a kiss or hug, my eyes begin to water. He's really sad too which def. doesnt help me. Ok Ok I definately need to start looking at the bright side of things or I'm going to be a mess on Tuesday.
Alright, lets see....
- Tonight Brian and I are having our "last night alone date". We've been saving up for it since summer began! We're going to our favorite sushi place in NYC, Kirara in the West Village (their corn tea is amazing) then going dancing all night (and of course splurging on overpriced cocktails). I'm so excited.
- My mom is coming tomorrow and I am so ready to see her, its been too long. We'll have fun I'm sure.
- I get to go clothes shopping this weekend, yay!
- I get to party w/ my girls so soon :)
- THE BEST, I get my hair done tomorrow, yay!!! I honestly cant wait. As Brian put it, I should be excited considering I've been talking about it since the day I made my appt. 2 months ago.

So I guess I have some exciting events/people to look forward to.
However, in the end I am still leaving the person that makes me the happiest I've ever been in a city which I've come to love.

current mood - Trying to look on the bright side

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Why is it always so hard to say goodbye?

UGH for some reason I'm so sad right now.

Tomorrow is my last day of work and today everyone kept telling "I'll miss you" and "It was so much fun having you here!" To make things worse, today we headed down to the midtown office to have lunch w/ the President, VP and all the employees. AND YES they gave me a present. (which of course made me choke up even more) EVEN more so that it was a 75 dollar gift certificate to Urban Outfitters.
I also had to clean out my desk today. I had to throw away my old papers, assignments, sticky notes (that were scattered all over my desk). UGH why am I so sad?

Maybe its not work I'm so sad about, maybe its leaving NY, and esp. Brian here alone. I don't think I've prepared myself enough for this moment to come. My mom made a good point the other day. She told me I was going to ball like a baby when I left. Sadly, I agree w/ her for once in my life. I can see it now. Packing my dad's SUV bright and early on Tues. morning waving goodbye to Brian from the window sobbing, yet at the same time thinking about how cute he looks in his dress paints and button down shirt. I'm definately pathetic.
Who's going to walk to and from work w/ him?
Or laugh at all of his corny jokes?
Or make his lunches and eat dinners w/ him?
Or give him much deserved compliments when hes feeling down?
Ok, I'm honestly tearing up. This pattern, schedule, or whatever you want to call it has been my life for the past 3 months. Its so hard for me to let go. I don't want to let go. I want to feel safe and secure and able to kiss or hug Brian whenever I want (not every other weekend).

UGH I dont know if I can leave w/ out crying all the tears possible out of my light grey eyes.

current mood - anxious & sad

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Back to School

Lately I feel like I've been planning my life to the second. Which I don't mind actually. Usually 6 out of 7 days during the week I'm stressing about some unplanned event or abrupt change in my organized schedule. Now, as my summer is coming to a dreadfully sad close, I have started to do some planning, and futuristic thinking (which to many of you may seem psycho once you read).
I mean naturally I've been making shopping lists for myself for when I return to Ohio w/ my mom (I mean, lets be honest I only have 3 days in Hudson to get my life together before I return to college). This past weekend, my dad was nice enough to take me to Ikea, in which he purchased me a beautiful mini modern like couch, a pink black and red floor rug and a sexy new table to put candles books etc. Although, get ready, the shipping was 200 dollars! (I was astonished that my dad didnt chuck the purchases and head for Bed Bath & Beyond) But I guess he knew how much I adored the items. (Hopefully they will arrive in Hudson before Saturday the 28th rolls around). Anyway, I still need to find a fridge big enough to freeze my vegan specialties as well as a comfy mattress pad and some new THREADS! WOO HOO. I cant tell you how excited I am to go shopping when my mom gets here. Granted I wont be able to go crazy as usual. BUT I have my eye on a few vintage pieces, and a few not so vintage, like....
- New long multi-colored sweater from Olive & Bette's
- Layering tanks from American Apparel (esp. grey & lavender)
- Converse high tops in midnight blue
- True religion faded jeans (which I will hopefully purchase from a sketch guy that sells them out of his van on thurs. nights for half the original price).
- an Indian skirt which I will convert into a dress (I've been thinking)
etc etc etc.

I also need to do some grocery shopping when I return to OH. I plan on eating at Lowry every day but not my full meal. I will be cooking each weekend at home & bringing back food to keep in the fridge. (This may seem crazy, but its important to me!) I need to stock up on lentils, essene bread, FRUIT, fruit leather straps, larabars, tahini, peanut butter, split peas, brown rice avocados & tomatoes (new favorite sandwich) and of course my new obsession (dates) & possibly date and pecan rolls if I'm feeling naughty.

Well now that I've made my lists, I've also GLADLY decided on an I.S. topic. I will be writing about a fundamentalist Christian group titled "Love in Action" It is the only group in the U.S. that takes in homosexual teenagers and tries to convince them that being straight is God's will. (which makes me mad and WHICH I'm passionate about) So yay.

Also, I've definately been looking in Grad. schools and my number one right now is Loyola in Chicago (my fav. city!) And the best part....I think Brian is going to be living there next year so he can set us up for next summer! yay again.

So now that I gave you my whole life story, I think its time, sniff sniff, I know its so hard......I have to...say goodbye.

current mood - freaking out about gross bugs on my desk (I just killed one & hypervenilated)

Monday, August 15, 2005

Talk about a hangover

UGH. You know those headaches you get right above your right or left eye brow. Its just one small spot that kills, sometimes you can even feel your own heart beat on that one tiny spot. Well, yes I have one right now and after trying to remedy it by drinking 2 bottles of water I thought I was dehydrated And taking 2 motrin's nothing seems to be working. Thats life I guess.

This weekend was in a word, useless due to excessive alcohol on Saturday night. Let me brief you w/ the events.
Well, "E" or Emmanuel as some of you may know, has been staying at our apartment for the last week. Hes here in NY visiting friends and also, at times, chilling w/ Brian and myself. Well, on Saturday night it was a serious Beta reunion. (Paul, Chewy, Ian, Petronio, Farrel & E, plus a few Zeta's and myself). We all decided to get together in Ian's apartment in the Financial District to have some drinks and catch up. AND boy did I. (Before I elaborate any further, let me preface by saying that Brian and I spent the afternoon at my Dad's for his b-day, and YES we downed 2 bottles of wine at an AMAZING french restaurant). Anyway, by the time my dad drove us home, I was dehydrated from the wine and not feeling so hot.
We decided we needed to recharge! Brian bought me 2 Smirnoffs (the corner store was out of Sparks sadly) and we sat and drank. Before we left our apartment (11:30) I realized I wasnt nearly as drunk as I should be to attend one of these sort of gatherings, so I took 2 shots of stoli vanilla vodka, and gagged after each one. (Yes, I'm stupid I know).

So, we're there in Ian's apartment. Brian is having fun, leaving me to my own devices and I find myself comfortably w/ the girls. After a strong, and I mean STRONG gin & tonic Ian made me and a half bud light later, I was wasted. We went to a bar around 3 and Nicole & I drank some apple cider's. They were suprisingly good, given my condition, but one more and I would def. lose it.

2 hours (5 am) and a cheese quesadilla later Brian and I were passed out in our loft. Before Sunday, I thought I had experienced a bad hangover. Wow. I was wrong. I have never felt more sick in my entire life. It was one of those days where lifting your head brought tears to your eyes. Luckily by bed time I was feeling back to normal. So much for a productive weekend.
But, it was definately worth it.

current mood - Happy for some reason that its Monday.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Anything but Ordinary


It's a funny thing. Living in NYC and spending way too much time on the internet during the week has definately inspired me to "be my own person" as you so commonly hear your elders babble on and on about. Individuality may seem like a common thing to possess, I mean how hard is to be be who YOU want to be right? But, I've found after paying close attention to opinion pieces on the web, random people on the streets, as well as my OWN particular actions, we definately take the easy way out in terms of self-distinction.
Last Friday afternoon Brian and I walked down to the East Village to pick up some dinner at this INCREDIBLE sandwich shop. On our way, amongst the usual day to day ordinary men and women walking to and from meetings or parties etc., there was one young woman we passed that honestly blew me away. She was about normal height, striking blue eyes, tangerine orange hair, tall black lace up boots and a matching t-shirt that was also tangerine orange. (w/ a black lace jacket on top, of course). As she walked towards us, two younger boys passing yelled, "freak" and "nice hair". I, on the other hand, thought she was beautiful. I thought for sure my boyfriend would react the same as the ignorant assholes that already passed. I was wrong. After she strolled by us, he turned to me and said, "Now she's cool." Enough said.

Inspiration. Its everywhere. One of my sneaky favs, as odd as this may sound, is weird people. I often use the word "sketch" so much because I love weird, off the wall people and things. There is nothing more pleasing than a person who is content w/ who they are. I dont care if they dont wear shoes, like reading Japenese poetry, wear gaudy blue eyeshadow (God forbid) or are fanatic about animal rights (I'm getting there). They know who they are and they embrace it.

If ever feeling down about your own quirks, hang ups, or tidbits that comprise your individuality, come to New York City. Instead of a wedding where everyone is either served chicken or fish, here you have a whole buffet AND (bonus) its international.
NYC has phobics, anorexics (a lot), psychos, punk rockers, stoners, alcoholics, prestige lovers, young girls (8 years old) that already own a Kate Spade handbag, crooks, families, ANYTHING you can imagine all rolled into one. Its inspirational and fucking awesome to observe.

W/ all this said, I am proud to annouce that I have received funds from my loving parents (after much begging) to get my hair done here in NYC before returning to OH. The next time you see me I may have some hot pink streaks in my light brown locks. Drastic? Definately not.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Missing him already

I'm definately starting to miss Brian and NYC ALREADY.

It's not even here yet, I know. But everytime I think about leaving our cutie patutie apartment in Times Square and my adorable boyfriend in NY my eyes begin to water. It seems so silly, but I'm going to be leaving a significant part of me here in this city.
This weekend was honestly the best weekend I have spent here in Manhattan thus far. The kicker: Brian and I spent the entire 3 days doing absolutely nothing (besides go on a very romantic date and see Batman Begins at our favorite movie theater on 42nd street). It was more than that though. There is something truly amazing about a relationship when you can just have fun laying in your pajamas until 1 in the afternoon on a Saturday afternoon--enjoy a big breakfast of fluffy pancakes and coffee and w/ astonishment your boyfriend letting you watch America's Next Top Model reruns til 4 pm. Ahh need I say more?
It may seem from reading the passage above that I have the absolute best relationship (I mean come on, what boyfriend would allow his girl to watch the most annoying show to males ever created all afternoon?) Well, I obviously like to think our relationship is perfect, BUT lately, as all couples do, we also have our problems (more so now then ever before). Lately we've been having the whole "What happens now" discussion which I happen to hate. Honestly, yes I want him to come back to Wooster so I can see him all the time. Granted, there isn't much to do besides go to Wal-Mart and Applebees, but I can be creative. He, on the other hand, would rather grow an arm out of his forehead than be mistakened for a townie in Wooster Ohio.
So, sadly, although he is not going to be in Wooster, he will reside in Cinncinati. (I think).
It is still 3/4 hours away. But I don't care as much as I thought I did. He can go to France again if he wants (God I hope he doesnt though) and I will still be here and still be completely in love w/ him. Let's face it, no one can make me laugh more or cry more, or, the most important, smile more than Brian. And, I love it.

current mood - Scared for change

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Ignorance is a bitch

(Before I begin, if wondering what I'm ranting about in this post, scroll to "Screw steak I can't even have eggs? post, to avoid any confusion of course).

Eh em. Ok, I came to a conclusion today about my so-called "veganism." I came to this epiphany while scanning "The Vegan Forum", a new website I joined in hopes of gaining some useful insight on the overbearing at first, vegan lifestyle. Most of the people who belong to this site are very friendly. In the beginning it was like I was the new girl at school. All the other members already knew each other and how they became vegan bla bla bla. I began to worry though, as all new kids do, did they think I was a fake? I certainly didn't want them to think I was a weirdo who spent all of her free time at work on a vegan forum asking dumb questions like "is butter vegan? but nevertheless it was me in a nutshell over the past two weeks. So moving on...
Today I sign on my little forum web page and see a post by this sweet girl I met last week, her psuedo name "banana." She's been vegan for 2 years and stuck to it the entire 730 days, but just last week had a "Oh my god I need dairy now" craving and she decided to have a cup of yogurt. No big deal right? At least her mind was on the right track for the past two years. BUT NO. This one guy wrote back to her post w/ a completely rude and nasty retort. He ranted on how being vegan is NOT HARD and if she wants to disappoint others w/ her failures, she should find another forum. As you may guess, I was completely appalled by this persons attitude.
After writing a not so nice response about freedom of speech and the right one has in choosing his/her own life style its part of being a human being I realized that I dislike the term vegan.
Of course I'm going to stick to my guns and stay away from meat and dairy b/c of my health and the animals (of course) BUT what if my anemia kicks in one day and I want a piece of chicken? Guess what people? Yes thats right. I'm going to sit down to a nice chicken breast and enjoy it. I'm not going to live my life by a term that does not fully define who I am. I also know for a fact, or at least I think I know, that I could never live the rest of my life w/out raspberry yoplait yogurt or as gross as this sounds, Kraft American singles. I choose to be vegan mainly for health, b/c I feel better when I abstain from meat and dairy. (It certainly doesnt mean I don't crave it and will indulge in some yogurt once in awhile).
In terms of animals, I do hate the way they're treated and abstain for those reasons as well. I want to feel better about my diet in more than just a physical sense. I think what I hate the most is people who preach about animal freedom and a world free of cruelty to others, but then critcize those trying to make a difference, but occasionally make a completely understandable mistake. It makes me sad.
With all this said, I am going to continue my lifestyle while staying away from terms like "veganism" etc. I am my own person and will no longer require a title.

current mood - Ugh, I can't stand some people.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Good times & Bad times

Uh. (as I stretch back in my tall bouncy black chair)

This day will honestly never end. In the morning, work was quite productive actually. I shouldn't complain, but I hate afternoons at work! I just sit here staring at my computer, trying my hardest not to stare at the little black time display in the lower right corner. You know work is painful when you've checked your email 40 times in 8 hours. AND, besides the sad fact that work is long long LONG, yesterday my boss found a disgusting roach next to her phone. ewww.
At the time I had been diligently checking facebook profiles, when I heard a high-pitched scream echoing from the front desk. "Crystal!!" You know when you hear that in NYC its either some complete psychopath knocking and smiling at us through our pre-locked glass doors thank god or yes, a cockroach. SICK. I walked a few feet towards her (still at least 10 feet away) and proceeded to explain to her that I was not coming another inch closer. The one thing I will definately not miss about this city is the disgusting bugs brought on by massive amounts of garbage lurking all over the manhattan streets.

Besides the fact that work is beyond boring and I'm constantly touching myself to make sure there are no bugs crawling on me, tonight should be somewhat eventful. Brian and I are planning on catching some dinner in the East Village and heading over to our favorite movie theater (in Times Sqaure) to see Batman Begins. While I'm not fond of Katie Holmes anymore (Scientology has stolen her soul) I am looking forward to a night out w/ my beautiful man.
Ahh cheers to that.

I'll leave you w/ a funny website that I totally believe. Ciao.


current mood - "I need to get the hell out of here" mood

Monday, August 01, 2005

Are you sure I'm not adopted?

(Before I begin this blog, let me announce that this is my second post of the day...eluding to the fact that I have no life at work and am bored beyond hope)

Now to resume.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of visiting my dad in NJ. He lives in a rather ritzy area and he likes to remind me way too often how one of the Roosevelt's previously lived there, in a large mansion 4 streets down from our house. Great Dad.
Ugh if that isnt enough torture, he took me and Brian to Target to purchase a rice cooker. I've been asking him everyday for a week b/c most of my vegan recipes are based w/ rice (therefore the easy alternative is necessary.) However, little did I know that we would also be shopping for country jams. My dad and his girlfriend spent 30 mintues in the country music section, while Brian played a sample game on Xbox next to some boys that looked in dire need for some bathing. FINALLY they were ready to go, but SADLY w/ five new CD's to torture me, Toby Keith included.
So we went back to their house to have some wine and dinner before he drove us back. After gorging on the best guacomole and African wine I've ever had, I take a stroll to the bathroom-a quick stroll (any alcohol, and I'm an old woman w/ bladder problems again). As I'm doing my business, my mom calls. Crying. I dont want her to know I'm at my dad's for dinner b/c she's having a "lonely, I hate your father day". 15 mintues later I was still sitting on the toilet trying to console her w/ the fan running so my parents couldnt hear my shady whispers. Brian knocks on the door finally to rescue me.
"Was it the guacamole?" haha NOT FUNNY.

I came to the conclusion yesterday that parents are insane. The scariest part of all, is if you pay really close attention, you can see parts of yourself in their actions.

The night ended with my dad and Pamela in the front seats of their freshly washed SUV blasting Toby Keith's "I got a whole lot of livin' yet to do" (my dad reminding me this is his theme song). As Brian and I sat painfully through the 45 min. drive, through the traffic on the George Washington, through the painful stories of the country singers, I affirmed one thing:
I may grow to resemble my parents, but I will never, ever, ever listen to country music.
Well, at least not in public.

current mood - cold and sleeeepy

TAGGED yet again

Ahh thanks to my lovely lil sister Justine, this survey is provided for YOUR own viewing pleasure (wink wink)

What I was doing ten years ago: hmm 10 years ago, I honestly can't think back that far. The only thing I can say is that I was 11 years old and cool (OBVIOUSLY)

5 years ago: 16 ah hell of my life. My first serious relationship, highschool at Western Reserve Academy, hardcore into dance and field hockey

1 year: Living in Hudson w/ Brian for the 1st time. (And also hating my jobs at both Express and Anthropologie)

Yesterday: hmm ok,
- woke up late, made breakfast
- read books and listened to my ipod at Barnes and Noble
- Had yummy thai for lunch
- took the train to my Dad's for the afternoon
- (he bought us a rice cooker YAY!) I know it sounds lame, but Im really excited about it.
- watched this sketch show called SNAP on the oxygen channel (where women like kill their husbands and stuff = creepy central p.s.)
- cleaned our dust infested bedroom
- drank really good African wine
- slept all night long (its amazing! I'm usually like a grandmother I have to pee like 8 times a night)

5 snacks I enjoy:
- medjool dates
- luna bars
- soy smoothies
- any kind of bread w/ nut butter
- bananas

5 songs I know all the words to:
- 1000 oceans by Tori Amos
- Keep it together by Guster
- Human behavior by Bjork
- Natural Blues by Moby
- Fade Into You by Mazzy Star

5 things I would do w/ 100 million dollars:
- Buy my mommy a nice house and car wherever she wanted
- pay off all my tuition and save for Grad. school
- donate to animal rights and breast cancer research foundations
- buy clothes (yeeeeeeeea)
- Go on a long vacation to the West Indies

5 locations I would like to runaway to:
- Amsterdam, love it there :)
- Iceland (always wanted to go)
- my house in Hudson (I'm a little homesick today)
- London
- Chicago

5 bad habits I have:
- I tend to bite my nails (too often)
- too hard on myself
- worry worry worry
- stubborn
- trying to multi-task, I've come to the sad conclusion that I cant

5 things I like doing:
- yoga (Bikram & Vinyasa)
- write (in journal or here or anywhere)
- Have intense conversations
- shopping/lunch excursions w/ my mommy (I miss those)
- Relaxing at night w/ Brian

5 things I would never wear:
- "skinny jeans" BARF
- a fanny pack haha
- clothes that are way too tight
- anything too mainstream
- white see through turtlenecks (wait...I need to excuse myself and PUKE)

5 tv shows I like:
- The Real World
- Blow Out
- Kept
- Sex and the city
- 90210 reruns

5 biggest joys of the moment:
- Its already noon! woo hoo only 5 more torturous hours!
- My mom sounds happier on the phone than past days
- I just ate an amazing banana
- Sunnnnny outside
- wearing a cute outfit today (long brown skirt, pale pink racerback tank w/ cream belt at waist)

5 favorite toys:
- ipod
- bags bags bags
- my teddy bears eva and holly
- my puppy (at home sniff sniff)
- magazines

So there it is. This survey was pretty hot I must say.

current mood - this is sketch, but my neck hurts for some reason. ah oh well :)