Thursday, August 18, 2005

Why is it always so hard to say goodbye?

UGH for some reason I'm so sad right now.

Tomorrow is my last day of work and today everyone kept telling "I'll miss you" and "It was so much fun having you here!" To make things worse, today we headed down to the midtown office to have lunch w/ the President, VP and all the employees. AND YES they gave me a present. (which of course made me choke up even more) EVEN more so that it was a 75 dollar gift certificate to Urban Outfitters.
I also had to clean out my desk today. I had to throw away my old papers, assignments, sticky notes (that were scattered all over my desk). UGH why am I so sad?

Maybe its not work I'm so sad about, maybe its leaving NY, and esp. Brian here alone. I don't think I've prepared myself enough for this moment to come. My mom made a good point the other day. She told me I was going to ball like a baby when I left. Sadly, I agree w/ her for once in my life. I can see it now. Packing my dad's SUV bright and early on Tues. morning waving goodbye to Brian from the window sobbing, yet at the same time thinking about how cute he looks in his dress paints and button down shirt. I'm definately pathetic.
Who's going to walk to and from work w/ him?
Or laugh at all of his corny jokes?
Or make his lunches and eat dinners w/ him?
Or give him much deserved compliments when hes feeling down?
Ok, I'm honestly tearing up. This pattern, schedule, or whatever you want to call it has been my life for the past 3 months. Its so hard for me to let go. I don't want to let go. I want to feel safe and secure and able to kiss or hug Brian whenever I want (not every other weekend).

UGH I dont know if I can leave w/ out crying all the tears possible out of my light grey eyes.

current mood - anxious & sad


Blogger Justine said...

I love you, Big Sis!

12:18 PM  

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