Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Blonde = stressed

Whenever my life is stressful, killing me and stealing my soul, I need a change.
This time, (havent decided whether a good decision or not) is dying my hair blonde. I like it, but I'm not sure it fits my weirdness. Makes me too seemingly apparent? I'm not sure yet. Time will tell I suppose.....

OH I cant believe I'm sitting here writing on this journal when I have loads and loads or work to do. Not only did I spend my fall break attending to my exceedingly sick mother (I joke about it to avoid the tears) BUT I have IS, work, and the NCA convention in 3 weeks to think about.

P.S. Why didnt I receive the memo that Senior year sucks?
Ok, I hate complaining but I do love it at the same time and it is crucial right now. I HAVE NO LIFE. Spacing out at my desk whil trying to write papers is actually enjoyable now. Its an actual moment in my day when I dont want to shove my mechanical pencil through my hand. YIKES I need to chill

Current mood - ugh, work

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Yay

After a few somewhat shady posts, I decided to write something a little more upbeat, well at least for the time being given my omni present pessimism.

I am, glad to say, very content with my life right now. As Brian would say, I was a loser for going home this weekend, and while I do sort of agree with him, I had a great time. And no, I didnt go out w/ some of my Hudson friends, and no I didn't go shopping or spend my weekend completely busy doing useless "fun things" like going to the movies or taking trips to Beachwood (although I do love doing those things). Instead I spent the weekend relaxing w/ my mom and spending some time volunteering (the nerd herd called I know). But it felt good to get away from Wooster. Especially as a senior, even more so than when I was a freshmen, I love going home. Maybe its because I'm over the whole "woo hoo lets get fucked up" mentality...well at least I was this weekend haha. I went to the apple orchard (which I love) and despite the weather, I spent a great deal of time outside because I absolutely adore Autumn. Its so amazing. The leaves, the clouds, the chilly air. While it can be quite depressing at times, there is a certain calmness in it.

AND I'm especially happy b/c Brian is coming this weekend! UGH I seriously cannot wait to see him. We are so happy together now, as usual and I love it. I'm also thankful its not like France either, when I can only talk to him maybe once a week. NOW I get to talk to him 3 times a day (if I want) which always puts a smile on my face. I can't wait to lay in bed all day and go out to dinner and kiss him over and over and OVER. Ok enough, I'm annoying.

So yay for this week!

current mood - Tired and in need of a long hot shower

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Hidden

"In youth our most bitter disappointments, our brightest hopes and ambitions, are known only to ourselves. Even our friendship and love we never fully share with another; there is something of every passion, in every situation, we conceal." - Elizabeth Cady Stanton (amazing women's rights activist p.s.)

This quote is in my aim profile, which you know if you've been stalking me. HOWEVER, I decided to think about it because for some odd reason, it resonated with me. Do you think everyone conceals something from everyone else? Your best friends, do you tell them everything?

I would have to say, in my personal situation, no I dont tell my best friend everything. BUT then that got me thinking why?

I'm scared for one thing. Disappointments and bad situations always crop up on you when you dont need them to. Just when things are perfect in your life, when the sun is shining, your soy chai latte is amazingly perfect and you can actually stay awake in class and have a positive attitude, something or someone comes along and turns your eyes to the ground. But maybe the reason the disappointment is so great is due to the rigidity with which we handle our lives.
** Example A - Over the summer Brian and I were having major problems living together (refer to previous posts). After a fight, I would promise myself I wouldnt start any more arguments over dumb things like "us not talking enough about our problems." I was working so hard, walking on eggshells to make sure I wasn't screwing anything up. Maybe I didnt reveal some things b/c I was afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of anything I was uncertain of in the long run. Its funny how we as liberal (well most of us) young adults preach about the future and how ambitious we are etc. but when change comes and uncertaintly creeps up, we cringe and hide.

In any event, we do conceal so much from each other. As sad and depressing as this sounds, I truly believe that everyone has their own loneliness within his/herself. Why cant we just be honest? Why can't I be (eeek) honest about how I truly feel about some people or just be the odd ball that I am?

Life is so weird.

current mood - sounding like a major stoner considering my sleeping pill is taking effect. Insomnia is my enemy.