Thursday, October 06, 2005


"In youth our most bitter disappointments, our brightest hopes and ambitions, are known only to ourselves. Even our friendship and love we never fully share with another; there is something of every passion, in every situation, we conceal." - Elizabeth Cady Stanton (amazing women's rights activist p.s.)

This quote is in my aim profile, which you know if you've been stalking me. HOWEVER, I decided to think about it because for some odd reason, it resonated with me. Do you think everyone conceals something from everyone else? Your best friends, do you tell them everything?

I would have to say, in my personal situation, no I dont tell my best friend everything. BUT then that got me thinking why?

I'm scared for one thing. Disappointments and bad situations always crop up on you when you dont need them to. Just when things are perfect in your life, when the sun is shining, your soy chai latte is amazingly perfect and you can actually stay awake in class and have a positive attitude, something or someone comes along and turns your eyes to the ground. But maybe the reason the disappointment is so great is due to the rigidity with which we handle our lives.
** Example A - Over the summer Brian and I were having major problems living together (refer to previous posts). After a fight, I would promise myself I wouldnt start any more arguments over dumb things like "us not talking enough about our problems." I was working so hard, walking on eggshells to make sure I wasn't screwing anything up. Maybe I didnt reveal some things b/c I was afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of anything I was uncertain of in the long run. Its funny how we as liberal (well most of us) young adults preach about the future and how ambitious we are etc. but when change comes and uncertaintly creeps up, we cringe and hide.

In any event, we do conceal so much from each other. As sad and depressing as this sounds, I truly believe that everyone has their own loneliness within his/herself. Why cant we just be honest? Why can't I be (eeek) honest about how I truly feel about some people or just be the odd ball that I am?

Life is so weird.

current mood - sounding like a major stoner considering my sleeping pill is taking effect. Insomnia is my enemy.


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